Chapter 3: Clearing away modafinil

The fact is, there is suffering in life, and moreover, if we can let go of craving the end of suffering, we are simply present with what is.

Chapter three comes only a few days after Chapter 2, as I feel gratitude for teachers and my mindfulness practice that have enabled me to see that we can accept experience as it is, and let go of craving for a different experience. I sit remembering my pre-mindfulness days, when I would be almost constantly craving a different experience, not seeing the fact that every moment is brand-new, and that there is beauty and character to each moment. There is almost now, as I am off of modafinil, seeing more clearly the nature of each moment.

Getting off of these psychiatric medications (thus far, clonazepam, ziprasidone, and modafinil, and yes there are yet more) was unthinkable just a few months ago and for many years prior. There have been difficulties in removing these medications (including difficult body sensations, more anxiety and fear, aversion); however, I knew that everything is impermanent. The fact is, there is suffering in life, and moreover, if we can let go of craving the end of suffering, we are simply present with what is. This moment just is, and for me right now, this is an ordinary moment, like a shallow-curved and straight-lined geometric form, a still life maybe with a cylinder.

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